So, its been one month since we began our adoption process.
In this time, we’ve been running around trying to get everything together – filling out paperwork, getting things notarized and sent to here and there, getting clearances and background checks, scheduling our medical and psychological evaluations and completing them, doing our online adoption training – all the while, trying to catch up emotionally and mentally.
But during this month of busyness, there have been two major defining moments that have really shaped how we pursue this adoption… and quite frankly will probably shape the way we view adoption for the rest of our lives…
The first being the way we have experienced resistance to our decision to adopt and the second being how we realized that the resistance wasn’t so much personal as it was cultural. It’s one thing to know mentally about Korean cultural stigmas and taboos, and then it’s another thing to have that be the reason we experience resistance and pushback from the people who have raised us and loved us with all their hearts, minds, and souls – our parents.
For us having been born in the U.S. and culturally more American, we’ve slowly been educated about our heritage and didn’t care much to go deeper than we’ve already explored in the past. Although we were expecting resistance, we didn’t expect this pushback to hit so hard, especially as it deals with resistance of us receiving our child. It’s not so much a hindrance that we are second guessing our adoption; instead it is pushing us to really understand our culture and why our parents think the way they do. The initial pain of rejection of our future child quickly channeled into passion and a drive to unearth deep-rooted thoughts. This led to us talking to other Korean Americans who had similar experiences, researching more about the cultural stigma, looking into articles and first hand accounts of adoptees and orphans, watching videos, and so much more… What we found was to be something way larger than what we thought it would be which we will talk more in another post.
The initial response we faced from our parents has changed to worry and concern over our welfare and them clinging to God for hope and greater understanding. We both are still trying very hard to communicate our passion to adopt to our parents. As much as we explain that we have journeyed with families who have adopted during our time in Southern Maryland, in addition to seeing successes and failures, they will never fully understand….yet. We are always choosing to be hopeful and now after a month, they have found a willingness to listen.
Of course, we are not naive and think that our conversation with our parents (and even some of our friends) have ended here but we are continuing to dialogue with them all the while praying that God is with us every step of the way. To be honest, our conversation is like a rubberband. Sometimes it feels like we made progress and at other times we feel like we have bounced back to the beginning and are hearing hurtful words again. Still, these little bumps are not taken for granted because they ultimately are making us grow individually and more importantly as a family.
And we love that we are not only growing in this journey of adoption in our hearts and minds, but also challenging and encouraging others we come across in our lives whether it’s at work, church, friends, other family, etc…..
We are surprised and excited that we can begin to shake the thoughts of people whose thoughts need to be shaken and ultimately unearthed. Without really realizing it, we think we are becoming adoption advocates!
*after our physical assessment
*trying to complete the 23 page personal data form for our homestudy
For those still wanting to support us in anyway, we have setup a Go Fund Me page here at:
Thank you for your prayers and support! We will continue to update!
Paul, Susanna, & Christian